10 Hysterically Funny Reviews of Led Zeppelin IV by 10 People Who Hate It

Over the weekend I stopped into Rasputin Music in downtown San Francisco to do some record shopping. I came across a copy of Led Zeppelin IV, one of my all-time favorite records that for some reason I did not own on vinyl. I must have listened to this album over a million times in my life and seriously never get tired of it.

So I put it on last night, cranked it up and started to browse the web as I always do. I ended up reading reviews for this classic album and stumbled upon Amazon. There are over 1000 reviews of Zeppelin’s masterpiece. Most are the well-deserved glowing 5 star reviews, but wait, there were 73 one star reviews? Are there people out there who don’t like this record enough to give it more than a one star review?

There are indeed, and I was so blown away that I read all 73 of them, pulling together the best ones. They read like a comedy routine of sorts, but I swear to you that these are all real quotes from the actual reviews; bad grammar, bad punctuation, and generally bad taste. With that being said, enjoy a real life Spinal Tap roast of one of the biggest selling records in history. (Best enjoyed when read with an authentic Nigel Tufnel accent.)

“Yes I know some people gave this album five stars but I’ve seen some five star reviews for the movie Howard The Duck here.”

“This mostly ridiculous and overblown record marks the end of Led Zeppelin’s usefulness.” 

“I cannot believe people saying that Led Zeppelin, and in particular this album, are “rock n roll”. That’s just not true-Led Zepplelin are really primarily a pop group. If you like Led Zeppelin you’ll like N Sync or Back Street Boys.”

“Please, for the love of God, someone cut out Robert Plant’s vocal chords.”

“How ironic that one of the all time greatest rock album’s of all time should go untitled. “

“This frothy prattle is for jerkwads who pepper everyday conversations with Pippi Longstocking and J.R.R. Tolkien references. Jimmy Page’s approach to the guitar is akin to a suburban dad trying to crank up a flooded weedwacker.”

“What truly amazes me is that you pot smokin’ gearheads actually have the money to buy cd’s not to mention computers.”

“Imagine a 30 year obsession with the Teenage Mutanat Ninja Turtles, multiply it by 10 and you’ve got the annoyance factor of Led Zeppelin.”

“BUY SOMETHING FROM DIRE STRAITS, FOREIGNER, OR GUNS N’ ROSES. THIS IS TRASH!!!!!”

“Even Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses is better than this. Go get that. That rocks, this sucks!! Throw is in your trash can immediately.”

And a bonus review: (by the way, the spelling errors and bad grammar are all tell-tale signs of the level of intelligence we are dealing with here.)

“For truly inspiring music just listen to Korn, Slipknot, Atreyu, Avenged Sevenfold, or any emo/hardcore or nu metal band out there… MTV is the place for good music.”

Which review is your favorite? Please chime in with a comment below. Thanks for reading!

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6 comments
Uncle e
Uncle e

I'l bet one of the guys name is Alan WIlliamson. He's notorious for reviews like the above. Here's some others:
PURPLE RAIN, BY PRINCE: “Nobody likes a show-off,
particularly one who falsely refers to himself as a prince and who
produces trash like this. When Doves Cry is an unashamed rip off of MC
Hammer's excellent Pray and the title track is far too long for my
liking. Save your money.”

ASTRAL WEEKS, BY VAN MORRISON: “
Astral WEAK, more like! You'd have to be an absolute idiot to enjoy
this. It doesn't even have Brown Eyed Girl which is the only half decent
thing Mr Morrison ever did. And what sort of name is Van? Stick to
Ronan Keating for that bit of Irish soul.”

THE HOLY GRAIL (movie), MONTY PYTHON: “
This isn't funny! If I went around saying "Ni" thinking I was some kind
of great comedian rather than laugh people would point me towards the
nearest lunatic asylum! Try some comedy which actually makes sense like
the Vicar of Dibley.”

LEGEND, BY BOB MARLEY: "Most
of the songs here are pleasant enough but Mr Marley is no Chaka Demus
and Pliers. It is also disappointing to note that Mr Marley reportedly
took drugs during his lifetime."

ALL MY BEST, BY PAUL MCCARTNEY: "Well
played, Mr. McCartney! When compiling this retrospective 'best of'
compilation Mr McCartney wisely ignored all of his output from his ill
advised stint with the Beatles and selected songs purely from his solo
career and his other band Wings. Let 'Em In, Mull of Kintyre and of
course the Frog Chorus are true classics not to be missed. Get it now!"

MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, BY HANSON: "When
these lovely ladies burst onto the scene with Mmmmbop back in the
nineties it was obvious they had a classic on their hands. The other
songs on this marvellous album stand up just as well and I think people
will still be talking about Middle of Nowhere 100 years from now.
Verdict: very good indeed

And, my personal favorite, a
review on the Beatles Revolver, which is when I came to the obvious
realization that this cat was brilliantly putting me, and the rest of
the so-called ’serious’ reviewers, on:

REVOLVER, BY THE BEATLES: “Who
buys this? This is bad even by the Beatles standards. Not even Yellow
Submarine or Ringo's excellent drumming can save this one I'm afraid.
Verdict: avoid.”

Jojo
Jojo

@Uncle e Revolver review just made me laugh uncontrollably for many minutes. good stuff. 

Steven eats quiche
Steven eats quiche

MTV? It used to be music videos. Call it what it really is: unreality tv. Music. Except for indie radio stations,new groups, internet radio, the music all sounds alike from mainstream music and music shows on tv. Led Zep IV, a CLASSIC album, when they still had albums with artwork. How many good groups will tell you Led Zep and album IV was INSTRUMENTAL in them starting a band and their music style.
Duck. I'll cook it and eat it.

Tnagrl
Tnagrl

"For truly inspiring music....."???????? Wth?! How?! Why?!
MTV?! My head hurts...

Treilly
Treilly

Hilarious! I personally liked the Howard the Duck reference. To each his own...

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