Germans and trucker songs—two great tastes that taste great together! Because if you think the good ole boys who drive Deutschland’s big panzer rigs are blitzkrieging down the autobahn listening to Kraftwerk you’re dead wrong, good buddy.
No, they’re singing along to good old-fashioned country songs about being a trucker, goddamn it, just like the long-haul truckers here in the U.S. of Goddamn A. And good old-fashioned patriots that they are those Deutsche truckers are singing along in German, and say what you will about their awful language, country music sounds just swell translated into Kraut, believe it or not.
On 2013’s Deutsche Trucker Hits you get 18 wonderful songs guaranteed to keep you awake as you drive the graveyard shift from lovely München to bawdy Berlin town, some of ‘em German originals and some of ‘em Germanized takes on American classics like “Auf der Autobahn” (“On the Road Again”)” by Matze Hern, “Sechs Tage jede Woche,” (“Six Days on the Road”) by Joe Raphael und die Party-Singers, and “Ruby” (the lyrics are in German) by The Partypistols. The Partypistols’ take on the Kenny Rogers’ classic is wonderful, as is Stef Eikeman’s take on Rogers’ heartrending “Lucille,” which he sings in English because there’s just no translating that kind of heartbreak into German, sob.
Meanwhile, Die Schlager Masters—Schlager is a saccharine style of music enormously popular amongst the Germans, who sadly don’t know any better—sap up Waylon and Willie’s “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To be Cowboys,” but actually add a touch of menace to the heavy-duty “Mich Ruft Die Autobahn.” As for their “Take It Easy altes Haus” it’s just plain weird, and a perfect example of what Lambchop’s Kurt Wagner once called the Decline of Country and Western Civilization. The same can be said for the friendly howdy that is “Hallo, Guten Morgan, Deutschland,” a bouncy wake-up call from, that’s right, the fantastically prolific Die Schlager Masters again. This is a kissing cousin to Arlo Guthrie’s “City of New Orleans” and proof that the Germans can be real friendly so long as you keep them away from Poland.
And other gems await. Matze Hern tosses some big reverb guitar into the propulsive “Die Frau mit dem Gurt,” while Daniel Torg goes way, way country on “Er Ist ein Kerl (der 30-Tonner Diesel),” which swipes its melody from Johnny Cash but I wouldn’t mention it because Torg just might take offense and smash a beer bottle over your head. Torg wins again on “Wir sind die Fahrer,” which boasts one swell accordion and a lovely sing-along chorus. Meanwhile, Silvia and Stef vary from the script by offering up the pop-oriented “Wenn ich nur ein Trucker Wär,” which is also a swipe of an American tune but I’ll be damned if I can tell you which one. It’s on the tip of mein Zunge!
Look, I could go on, but there’s this 30-tonne load of live hand grenades I have to drive from Hamburg to Rostock, copy? So take my advice. Avoid the lot lizards and fighter pilots and buy this LP and play it at your next party, and you can thank me later. Because the only way this assortment of Krautcountry hits could be improved is if Little Feat’s “Willin’” was on it. See you in Bitburg, good buddy!
GRADED ON A CURVE:
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