Author Archives: Ms. Mixtape

Shoot your questions and tales of woe to Ms.Mixtape at msmixtape@thevinyldistrict.com and she’ll endeavor to unspool your personal and musical dilemmas in this spot each week. —Ed.

Q: I’m recently single after a longish relationship. I haven’t had much experience dating and would like to experience it. I don’t know how to do it, though. How do you date? Online dating? Speed dating? Asking for numbers at bars?

A: Yes. All of the above. Here are some pointers for each, along with soundtracks. Because your question doesn’t tell me much about who you are, I’m including many possible scenarios.

Dating in the Wild primer
Smile and Say Hi. I learned this when I worked at a big department store in high school, and Smile and Say Hi was rule #1 for preventing shoplifting and also being good at customer service. It will change your life, especially if you are a shy person normally. Most people will not think that you are weird for doing it, but you can alter to Make Eye Contact and Smile if you’re self conscious about your vocal chords. If you Smile and Say Hi and nothing happens, you’ve lost very little. If, however, the person you are targeting thinks you’re cute, you’ve opened the door for further conversation. You’ve also probably prevented shoplifting in your immediate vicinity.

Soundtrack: Whatever makes you smile. Right now, for me, that is the Traveling Wilburys, but I recognize that is probably super weird. The Smith Westerns have a song called Smile that is very nice. Brian Wilson has an album called Smile that is amazing. Showtunes are good.

Online Dating primer
Step 1: Know what you want. If you’re looking to get married, you’ll want to spend money on something that will require you to answer 40thousandmillion questions about how clean you prefer to keep your spatulas. (That isn’t a euphamism.) Those sites are trying to get you set up. For life. If you’re just looking to play, you can do that for free all over the internet.

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Shoot your questions and tales of woe to Ms. Mixtape at msmixtape@thevinyldistrict.com and she’ll endeavor to unspool your personal and musical dilemmas in this spot each week. —Ed.

This week’s theme: Being assertive but also polite.

Q: I need to tell the coworker I share an office with that he has terrible, terrible foot odor. I’m not looking forward to it. We’re not really friendly—actually, he drives me crazy. I haven’t said anything for over a year, but it’s really overwhelming and I’m tired of it. What should I do?

A: This is not what you want to hear, but you need to just say something. You knew that, because it’s how you started your question and you’re just writing because you’re hoping I can tell you of some magic foot-smell-pill that you can slip into his coffee. There is no such pill, and everyone knows about Febreze, and you don’t seem willing to continue suffering silently.

I also don’t have any magic words for you. Or magic music. Although you might consider burning a Replacements CD and giving it to him, after which you can say something like, “Yes, I’m buttering you up. I have something a bit delicate that I’d like to talk to you about.” (The Replacements are great for every situation except perhaps telling your significant other that you’re tired of saying good night to an answering machine.) Then just tell him. But remember that, while this is a HUGE DEAL to you, it’s the first he’s hearing of it. Be gentle. Suggest solutions. Try to avoid sounding like you’re blaming him. The more matter-of-fact and impersonal you can be, the better this will go.

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Shoot your questions and tales of woe to Ms. Mixtape at msmixtape@thevinyldistrict.com and she’ll endeavor to unspool your personal and musical dilemmas in this spot each week. —Ed.

Q: My sister just introduced me to her new, serious boyfriend. He seems all right, except for one thing: He’s a Juggalo. Yes, a Juggalo. He only listens to Insane Clown Posse. I’d like to introduce him to some new music that might help him expand his horizons. What should I start playing around him that he might take an interest in?

A: First, I’d like to commend your restraint. I think many people, in your situation, would be asking, “how can I convince my sister to dump the Juggalo?” or “do I need to commit anyone to any sort of facility?”

Second, I feel like I should be saying something very heartfelt and diplomatic here about how this question is really about you and not the music. Like, you should deep within your soul to ask yourself why you want to change this poor Juggalo, and why you can’t just let this Juggalo be.That’s all kind of bullshit though because, well, really.

And now for the practical advice. I suggest you try opera.

I’m not kidding. The appeal of a band like Insane Clown Posse isn’t the music (OH NO SHE DIDN’T) but the drama and the community. Opera has those things in spades.

Ease into the opera thing. Check out Fucked Up’s new album, David Comes to Life. Fucked Up is a hardcore band, so there’s already some overlap with ICP’s sound. But Fucked Up are critical darlings, and David Comes to Life is a rock opera epic in four acts. I don’t entirely know what that last part means, but the album is great and Pitchfork loved it, so it seems like a good starting point for you, o questioner who clearly has discriminating taste.

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Contrary to some rumblings I heard last week at the debut of TVD’s new advice column, I—me, Jon—am not Ms. Mixtape. I’m flattered, but if that were actually true, the lil’ graphic up there would read Mr. Mixdrink. I mean, c’mon.

That said, we’re delighted to get into it properly this week with a few questions submitted by you, safe and snug on that side of the monitor.

Shoot your questions and tales of woe to Ms. Mixtape at msmixtape@thevinyldistrict.com and she’ll endeavor to unspool your dilemmas in this spot each week. Now—onward!

Q: I hate costume parties and avoid them at all costs. My significant other is dragging me to a rock star-themed party next week, though, and I can’t get out of it. Do you have any ideas for a quick and easy, but recognizable, costume?

A: Weird Al Yankovic.

No. Do not do that. I feel a little bad for even suggesting it.

I went to a Betty Ford Clinic-themed party once (right?) which was a fancy way of saying that people were dressed up as rock stars or nurses. The folks who tried to be a specific rock star ended up falling pretty flat. You are not Amy Winehouse. We all know that. Nor are you Liam Gallagher, but who the heck did you think would even recognize Liam Gallagher on the street, anyway?

No, the best costumes at this party were…well there was only one best costume. Brother showed up in mirrored sunglasses, pajama pants, slippers, and an open bathrobe with a whiskey bottle in the pocket. Not only is this instantly identifiable as “rock star,” it allows you to conveniently carry your own booze the whole night. Have fun!

Q: I need some ideas to avoid calling someone. My girlfriend and I just broke up after ten years together and we spoke together every day of those ten years. I don’t know what will happen in the future but if we can stay friends or even get back together, it won’t be until we have time apart. Even though I know that, I want to talk to her every day. It’s getting hard to resist the temptation to call her just to hear her voice. Any practical ideas for getting past this would be great.

A: Awww, I’m sorry! This sounds heartbreaking.

First, congratulations on being approximately 14,099 times more mature than most humans. Recognizing that sometimes people just need time and space is kind of a big deal.

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In which we launch a brand new weekly feature… —Ed.

Cheerio, TVD! I’m Ms. Mixtape, here to answer your pressing (pun intended) questions about music and life, and hopefully about music and life together. To do that, I’m going to need you to ask some questions.

Nothing is off limits and questions needn’t be directly about music. I’ll find a way to bring tunes into things somehow, never you fear.

How about a game? I’ve made up some very short questions, below. Underneath them are key sentences from my hypothetical answers. Most answers will contain many, many more sentences, I promise. See if you can match up the advice to the question. (Observant readers will notice there are more pieces of advice than there are questions. Good job, you! Some advice is universal.)

A) I’m throwing a swingin’ party tomorrow for people who are more [hip/sophisticated/stuck-up] than I am. I’m worried my music is embarrassing, even though I think it’s great. What should I play to make everyone think I’m [hip / sophisticated / stuck-up]?

B) I just went on a terrific first date with a very attractive person. We got along great, but at one point, this attractive person mentioned a long-term ex, saying the ex was really into Avril Lavigne. Still. As an adult. Is this a red flag? Should I get out now?

C) My house is a mess. I don’t just mean a little messy–it is an unmitigated disaster and might be a health hazard. Where do I start?

D) My teenager came home with a mohawk. Please help.

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